Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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