My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
