I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
