love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
