ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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