I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
