I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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