now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
