There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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