Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
