Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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