It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
