so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
