he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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