It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
