I think I am morally bankrupt
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
