put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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