I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
