I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
