I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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