she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
