I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
