Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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