I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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