Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
