Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
where am i from again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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