just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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