Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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