i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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