she was so not down for the gang bang
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
