"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
