now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
