my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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