There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
