What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
