i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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