Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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