That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
