Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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