I want to stick my p in your. b.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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