there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We need to get me chipped asap
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
