her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
