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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning

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• (916): View more from California

  you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents

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