I'm eating all of the evidence.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
