I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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