Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
