I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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