I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
