The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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