are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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